The Herald. Column: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

The Herald. Column: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere


Six years back we logged much more years divorced than hitched. Somehow, the teeter-totter of the time tipped like that.

How do this be? Sixteen years considering that the Big D? — the withdrawal for the wedding ring? Sixteen years, never remarried? — nowhere near. Jaded, possibly, about matrimony. We hesitate purchasing wedding gift ideas for newlyweds. I’m a believer in divorce or separation gift suggestions; that’s whenever one of many two events will need the toaster really.

I’ve dated — but I’ve not dated significantly more than I have actually dated. Second times are difficult to come by — my true genius evidently goes underneath the radar with anyone who has provided a restaurant beside me (we blame it regarding the awesome appetizers).

Never ever mind the date that is second. The toughest to nail down, this despite having personally “flattered” many females in the past 16 years it’s the first date that’s. Flattered. There’s nothing I hate a lot more than hearing that word result from feminine lips or seeing it typed by feminine flailing fingers that are fiery.

Example. The oft-repeated situation:

Me personally: therefore, could we just take you down for lunch?

Female: Scott, i will be flattered me out that you have asked —

Me personally (instinctively butting in to achieve a foothold): Great! I’ll pick you up at 6. Oh — and do you’ve got a passport.

Seems promising, appropriate? Au contraire mon ami (French concerning . well . one thing French), with this girl has more to express about them.

Female: Scott, i will be flattered which you have actually asked me personally out, but .

Henceforth comes the dreaded big but. But? But exactly what? It does not matter. None for the addendums are to my benefit.

Precisely 100 % (but who’s counting?) for the ladies who stated these people were “flattered” upon being asked down by me never wound up venturing out beside me.

“Flattered” is the kiss of dating death. Females reading my terms at this time are knowingly nodding like bobble-heads on rate and most likely reasoning, “My Jesus, Scott cracked the rule. He’s on to us. We truly need a brand new term. Must send memo.”

My replacement that is suggested for: sickened. “Scott, i’m sickened which you have actually expected me out.” Perfect. Why overcome across the bush before beating the person down?

We suspect women use “flattered” as a good method to set the phase for rejection, a humane method to harm (in essence, making the woman feel a lot better concerning the turndown, maybe perhaps perhaps perhaps maybe not the man), a softening associated with the beaches ahead of the big blow to male ego, making some guy feeling like a turd in a tin glass.

An on-line woman that is dating came across did consent to satisfy for a glass or two. At our rendezvous, she informed me personally that she had invested the majority of that trip to the funeral house where her mom had been being shown — visiting hours weren’t also over yet — with all the burial slated when it comes to day that is following. Deal breaker! Hey, I’m a painful and sensitive man, however, if there’s something we can’t stay, it is a Debbie Downer type. With no, i did son’t ask she did) if she needed a date for the funeral (even though maybe. I’m not too hopeless ( perhaps perhaps not beneath me to scan the obituaries for Fresh Widow Meat, which as my hero Dave Barry might point out, would be a great name for a rock band) that it’s.

I’ve learned several other activities about dating when you look at the ages that are middle.

Try not to purchase your gf Mace. I did so this when, focused on her safety whenever alone. Then, throughout a stroll, we advised we split up. Away came the Mace. The Mace hit my face. She demonstrably didn’t just take the news in addition to I’d hoped. It absolutely wasn’t the optical eye burn that amazed me, it had been the neck burn. The gagging. Most sensible thing though ended up being she sprayed from the wind, which implied a lot of the spray went back in her eyes and neck. Therefore, together we gagged and cried, and someplace into the insanity that lovers share, I was thinking: she Maced me personally, she must love me personally. In hindsight, I’m pleased I didn’t purchase her a handgun.

If the date is excited to attend Barnes and Noble to not glance at publications but to drive the escalator, she actually is 1) far too young she was 15 years younger… but legal), or 2) she really needs to get out of Dubois County more for you. We lasted one visit to Barnes and Noble (or 20 trips regarding the escalator).

Long-distance works that are dating it does not. On a few occasions, as a result of the joys of online dating sites (which in Jasper means driving 2 to 3 hours for a romantic date), we have actually driven extremely far for very very first times to simply hear my date let me know during the restaurant dining table after she finishes her steak, lobster and million dollar martinis) that she really isn’t interested in pursuing a long-distance relationship (but not until.

Wanting to make away on a very first date at a Weird Al concert is wrong on a lot of amounts. Guilty. No date that is second.

Adequate back at my help guide to dating when you look at the ages that are middle. I’m certain there’ll be much more to report through the trenches. I’m a hopeless intimate having a punching case heart. Now then, if I am able to just work out how not to ever flatter some body once I question them down.